The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Im part way to drunk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
