The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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