It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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