There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
