??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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