we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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