There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
