I think I won the penis lottery.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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