So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
