When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
