It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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