I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
