I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
