I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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