mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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