I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
