Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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