I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Help. Why am I so naked?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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