so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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