eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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