Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
