i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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