there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
A+ Viking dick
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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