A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
