Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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