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i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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