Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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