Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
