it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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