I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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