Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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