he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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