Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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