I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
