I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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