My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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