Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
