there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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