you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
