she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
