Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
