I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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