I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it because I queefed?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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