Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
