Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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