i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm passing your future prison.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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