Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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