Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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