I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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