I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
