there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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