I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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