i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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