It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
