I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
