are you so shy because you have an std?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
