i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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