Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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