Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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