I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
