Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
