Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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