I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
