I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
