I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's rum buckets o'clock
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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