singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
