dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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