She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
