he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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