Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
