John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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