that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
