Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
