Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
