I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
