i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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