Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
