lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
