Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
