I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
