Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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