Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
