Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
