I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
