Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
