Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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