who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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