my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I smell like Dick and happiness
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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