Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
