they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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