So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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