It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
